Week 3 Story: The Recovery of the Body
When the great spear of Hector ran through the other side of the body of Patroclus, a great quiet fell amongst the Trojans and the Greeks. The beautiful man, once believed to have been beloved by mortals and divine, bore the arms of the legendary Achilles - though the form of a legend cannot grant the spirit of one. The heat of the summer weighed down on the warriors, intermixed with the realization that this man's death could change the tide of the war entirely. As the two champions gave their final shouts to one another, the soul of the Greek hero succumbed to his wounds and descended to the underworld.
When the shock of the blow left the plain, the range of fighting shifted from an assault to a focused charge for the body of Patroclus. As Hector chased down the chariot for spoils, he abandoned his front line for a greed he could not fulfill. For a man of so loved as Patroclus by Achilles, the Trojans knew the spoils of ransom for the body would be great - enough to turn a pauper into an aristocrat. It wasn't long before the organized battle lines on each side descended into a melee for the corpse. At last the Trojan prince Hector returned into the fray, cutting a path before himself to spoil the body of its arms. The sight of this brought the shield bearer Ajax front and center, forcing Hector to return to his lines. Ajax stood taller than the walls of Troy itself in defense of what remained of Patroclus, hoping his fighting would not be in vain. He called for Menelaus to send word to Achilles of what had happened, in hopes that this would be what could rouse the heart of the scorned champion. Ajax was not made to wait long.
Like a stallion let free from his reigns, Achilles thundered down through the ranks of the Greeks, reaching the front line with unmatched speed. As he entered the fray, his shout alone forced back every soldier amongst the Trojans. The champion stood naked and unarmed, and gave such room for the Greeks that the body was retrieved almost without combat.
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| The Greeks and the Trojans Fighting over the Body of Patroclus |
When the shock of the blow left the plain, the range of fighting shifted from an assault to a focused charge for the body of Patroclus. As Hector chased down the chariot for spoils, he abandoned his front line for a greed he could not fulfill. For a man of so loved as Patroclus by Achilles, the Trojans knew the spoils of ransom for the body would be great - enough to turn a pauper into an aristocrat. It wasn't long before the organized battle lines on each side descended into a melee for the corpse. At last the Trojan prince Hector returned into the fray, cutting a path before himself to spoil the body of its arms. The sight of this brought the shield bearer Ajax front and center, forcing Hector to return to his lines. Ajax stood taller than the walls of Troy itself in defense of what remained of Patroclus, hoping his fighting would not be in vain. He called for Menelaus to send word to Achilles of what had happened, in hopes that this would be what could rouse the heart of the scorned champion. Ajax was not made to wait long.
Like a stallion let free from his reigns, Achilles thundered down through the ranks of the Greeks, reaching the front line with unmatched speed. As he entered the fray, his shout alone forced back every soldier amongst the Trojans. The champion stood naked and unarmed, and gave such room for the Greeks that the body was retrieved almost without combat.
Bibliography: The Rousing of Achilles, from the Untextbook
Author's Notes: One part of the Iliad that was left out was the direct fight for the body of Patroclus, and just how powerful an impact the death of such a champion can have on the battlefield of great people. All in all, I simply added to the death of Patroclus and the return of Achilles, adding in some additional detail. While it's not the most creative, it was a good exercise of form writing akin to the prose used in the Untextbook version.
I love your addition to the original story. I never considered this portion of the story being left out! You definitely painted quite the picture and beautifully described the movements within the scene. Please write more like this, as it was well done and a pleasure to read. You are writer goals. I hope to be as adept at medieval-type writing as you.
ReplyDelete-Lance J.
Hi, Gage!
ReplyDeleteI like that for your story you chose to fill in a scene that was missing instead of retelling part of what already existed. I haven't read the original story of Patroclus & Achilles in the Illiad, but the story was familiar to me since a couple years ago I read the book The Song of Achilles which is a modern retelling of their story. If you haven't heard of the book, you should really check it out! It's one of my favorite books.
Back to your story, I loved the intensity you were able to convey in your writing. The scene felt very dramatic, which is perfect for this tragic and emotional moment. I think your description of Achilles re-entering the battle was especially effective.
Great job!
Gage,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story. I was not familiar with the original story. I really only knew about Achilles'and his heel so I found your story super interesting. I think you did a really job conveying the intense feelings of the battle and the emotions surrounding the fall of Patroclus. I didn't know the original so whatever you changed really flowed seamlessly as nothing felt out of place to me.
Hi Gage,
ReplyDeleteI am impressed by the level of detail you provide in the story. The descriptions and imagery that you use throughout the story do a good job of not only conveying the fighting, but also the emotions. I am unfamiliar with this story, so I might have some questions that you might find a little bit obvious. Why was it so important to recover his body? I assume it was to prevent the body from being defiled and to give it a proper burial. Seeing the level of detail provided on how the body was recovered, I think giving out the specific reason as to why they are recovering would be a great addition to the story.
I would also recommend giving a bit a backstory. The opening line is really good and definitely an attention grabber, but it was never explained why they were fighting. Maybe if I were familiar with the story, it would not have been as confusing. A couple of lines of backstory would have solved the mystery. Some backstory would turn this from feeling like a fragment of a story to a mini story holding up on its own. Either way, it was excellent and very well written.
Blessing,
Kevin.
Hey, Gage!
ReplyDeleteWhat I was most impressed with in your story was your ability to channel the writing style of the original text. It's tricky to try to match a writing voice that isn't your own, but I thought you expanded on the original admirably. I especially liked your figurative language (e.g. "Like a stallion let free from his reigns...") and I thought that it did a lot to add to the vividness of the images you were conjuring up.